Getting Rid of the Weeds

Despite the sunshine this morning, I felt depressed. I said to my husband, “I don’t feel like writing. I feel like weeding my flower garden. Even though I’m sore from yesterday’s weeding, I want to get out in the fresh air.”

This is the first year since fracturing my knee that I’ve been able to kneel on the ground and weed.

Thanks to the person who tidied my garden last year and showed me which of my green plants were weeds and which were flowers, I have some knowledge of what to pull out and what to leave in. Last year I was afraid to pull anything out.

The leaves of one plant looked a lot like a lupine, but after noticing it was invading the whole garden, I began to get rid of it. For about thirty minutes, I dug and pulled and pulled and dug in the area where my lupines are growing. Looking at clusters of lupines standing free of weeds gave me a feeling of satisfaction. I walked over to the white lilac bushes and clipped off enough for a bouquet.

I placed them in a blue vase that belonged to my mother-in-law. I thought, while doing it, that I could cut more of them and take them to church tomorrow. It’s Mother’s Day. Then, realizing what my feeling of depression was about, I began to cry.

I was missing my own mother, my mother-in-law, other women who mentored me in life and especially the friend who shared mothering experiences with me while we were raising our children. Two of these people died within the last year.

Crying helped me release weeds of self-pity and anger which had invaded my heart. I still feel sad, yet comforted because, like freed-up lupines, good memories can now blossom. And my writing-block, along with those weeds, is gone.

Coffee and Creativity

Last night I skipped the usual cup of coffee I enjoy during our home-group Bible study. Even though I had reduced the caffeine level in the mix I placed in my coffee maker, I did not want to have a sleepless night. I decided I’d have my cup of coffee for breakfast. I slept well, but thoughts I had while waking up caused me to choose a cup of decaf tea instead of coffee. 

I was enjoying the warmth of my down comforter (and postponing my exit from bed) when this little phrase popped into my mind. “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial” I immediately recognized those words from Scripture and knew how they applied to me.

I could have that cup of coffee for breakfast if I wanted to. It was a permissible pleasure, but would it be a beneficial pleasure? That depends on what I want to do. Caffeine, like adrenalin, energizes me and makes me feel euphoric, but it does not, as I used to believe, facilitate creative thought. A state of high arousal suppresses creative thought; a state of low arousal enhances it.

I’m glad I choose the decaf tea this a.m. because I am making some headway on my writing. I will have my cup of coffee when I plan some activity that will engage my muscles, such as vacuuming floors. 

Dreams and Routines

Last night I had two dreams. In the first dream, I was walking through a house in which every room
was filled with clutter; I felt confused and frustrated. The second dream took place in another house; everything was neat and orderly; I felt relieved and peaceful.

My dreams told me I needed to get more structure in my life. So, this morning I’ve been working on it. I started by opening a file on my computer labeled “morning routine.” I’d copied it last year from a website and had tried to follow it, but gave up. Looking at it, I realized some of the items on the list would work for me and some of them would not. I needed to “tweek” it a bit, remove some items and add others to create a system that will work for me.

How often, as a writer, I’ve tried to fit myself into someone else’s routine. Do I write every day? Do I write in the morning?  Do I take breaks? What is a legitimate break? When I try to follow someone else too closely, I end up living a dream filled with confusion and clutter.

 I can learn principles from other writers, but I must develop my own routine. This requires both faith and self-confidence. By God’s grace, I am growing in both of them.

My Imperfect Manuscript

“Oh, well,” I sighed, after browsing through the pages of my manuscript, “what I’ve written is good; it’s just not perfect.”
“Well, just rip it up and throw it away.” my husband responded.
We both laughed.

Oh, how I long, “every day and in every way,” to be perfect. I know a day is coming when I my desire for perfection will be realized. Meanwhile, I am learning to be content.

What does that mean for me as a writer? I will not tear up my imperfect manuscript (though, I will edit it to make it as near perfect as I possibly can); I will submit it to a publisher. If it’s rejected I will congratulate myself for having the courage to try. If it’s accepted, I will thank God for the opportunity He’s given me to share a message of value.

Cleaning Up

            Camellia

                                                         

My breakfast this morning was yummy. It consisted of buckwheat pancakes made with fresh blueberries and drenched with real maple syrup, turkey sausage (made my husband), and a steaming cup of green tea. I felt completely satisfied and was about to leave the kitchen when I noticed my husband washing the pancake griddle. I turned around and did my part to clean up the kitchen.

     

It's exciting to prepare food, especially when I can try a new recipe; cleaning up the kitchen when I am done is not nearly so much fun. I’d rather have my husband do that. Eventually, however, if I don’t clean up the kitchen, trying to create another meal will be frustrating; I won’t have the tools or space to make anything.

In the same way, It's exciting to sit down and create new paragraphs, stories, devotionals, articles, poetry, whatever; editing—like cleaning up my kitchen, is not nearly so much fun, but having a lot of half-finished or un-edited documents makes me feel as frustrated as having a messy kitchen. When I edit until I’m finally satisfied with something I’ve written, I feel genuine joy.

More on Encouragement

   I had no trouble getting up this a.m. It wasn’t that my room was so much warmer (the thermometer read 62º instead of yesterday’s 58°), I couldn’t sleep because my mind was flooded with ideas. So here I am at my computer. Which idea should I pursue and which ideas should I reject? Choosing just one idea and sticking with it is difficult. I did pray, asking the Lord for direction, so I will stick with the idea that keeps (like a blinking light) coming back to my mind.

     That idea is the desire to start a blog. Why do I want to blog? I want to connect with other writers. I want to encourage other writers and find encouragement from them. I think I will name my blog “Courage to Write.”

     What does encouragement look like? One of the best illustrations I know of is the example of Katya Greer. Katya was a fantastic artist and teacher. She was a member of my church until she unexpectedly   died three years ago. I still remember the words of one of her students. She said, “Mrs. Greer would look at my work and say, ‘That is beautiful!’ Then she would add, ‘and it could be even better if . . . .”  

     Encouragement starts with affirmation, by noticing and telling someone what is beautiful, true, compelling, good, reputable or excellent about their writing. Sometimes, when editing my sister, husband, or my own work, I’ve skipped that necessary affirmation and started with the “it could be better” part. That is discouraging.

      I desire, this year, to grow as an encourager. For those of you who are reading my blog, what brings you encouragement?

Getting Started

Yesterday . . .

“Brrr . . . it’s cold in here!” I said to myself as I pushed back the down comforter I’d been sleeping under. I jumped out of bed and looked at my room thermometer. It read 58º F. I pulled on my bathrobe, walked to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. Then, I got dressed in a flannel shirt and corduroy pants. Once I started moving I began to warm up. I knew I had to move; standing still would have made me feel even colder.

Likewise, when my idea bank is frozen, when I feel “cold,” moving helps me warm up. I don’t wait until I feel inspired, but I do remind myself of my goals; then I sit down at my computer, open a document, date it, and start typing. After a few sentences I’m warmed up and the words start flowing.

There are spiritual and mental stimulants, “cups of coffee,” that help me start writing. God blessed me with two of them this morning, a sentence from the Gospel of John and a short chapter in Kristi Holl’s book, Writer’s First Aid.

From the Gospel of John I read, “From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.” Yes, I concurred, in my lifetime I’ve received much grace and many blessings. I want to pass them on to others. Writing is a way to do that. I will continue working on my writing goals.

From Kristi Holl’s book I read about the necessity of having a good ignition system. Cars will go nowhere without an ignition system and neither will writers. Sometimes I flood my system with too many ideas. Other days I feel completely out of gas. What do I do? Do I force myself to write? What would I do if the car wouldn’t start, but I wanted to drive to Long Island to see my daughter and family?  Would I forget about the trip? No, I would fix the ignition system. What will I do this year when I can’t get started writing?  Will I forget about the “trip?”  No, I have a destination, a goal. I will remind myself of that and do whatever it takes to fix my ignition system.

What about you, my writer friends, is your ignition system working? If it is, I’d like to hear about what gets you started and keeps you moving on your writing goals. If you are having trouble getting started, I’d still like to hear from you. Maybe we could encourage one another.